just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
