Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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