I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
