I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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