I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
