Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
