Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
