Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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