I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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