my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
