At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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