we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
