You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
