Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
