Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
