Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
