Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
