someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She's the barista slut.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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