Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
