Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
