he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
