Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
