she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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