already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
