Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
