Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
