White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
