So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
sarcasm needs its own font
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
