The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
