Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
