He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
