My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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