I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You need Xanax blowdarts
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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