Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
