i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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