Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
