How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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