Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Vodka?
Forever.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
