oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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