I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
