I will die if light touches me.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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