I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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