hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
