He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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