Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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