dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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