you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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