I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We are two peas in an std pod
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
