duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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