Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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