I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
