How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
