She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
