took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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