But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
