I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
